85 Hilarious Golf Quotes

A Collection of Funny Quips for Golfers

From Comedians to Golf Legends

Golf is a game that can be both frustrating and hilarious. If you're looking for a laugh to lighten up your next round, here's a collection of 85 funny golf quotes from famous golfers, comedians, and celebrities.

Quotes from Famous Golfers

"Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose." - George Bernard Shaw
"Golf is the only game where you can play badly and still enjoy the fresh air and scenery." - Henry Beard
"Golf is a good walk spoiled." - Mark Twain
"I have a tip for you: if you see a green, go to it. Every putt you make is one less you have to make." - Lee Trevino
"Golf is a game where the object is not to hit the ball into the water, but to keep it out of the woods." - Tommy Armour
"The game of golf is a test of character. It tests your honesty, your integrity, and your patience. And it tests your temper." - Dave Pelz
"Golf is like a beautiful woman. If you don't take your time with her, she'll show you her bad side." - Tommy Armour
"Golf is a lot like life. The more you practice, the luckier you get." - Gary Player
"The secret to golf is to keep your head down and your score up." - Tommy Bolt
"Golf is a game that requires patience, skill, and concentration. It is also a game that can drive you mad." - Arnold Palmer

Quotes from Comedians

"Golf is a great sport, but it's not a game for people who are short and angry." - Rodney Dangerfield
"Golf is the only sport where you can score a triple bogey and still be happy." - Jackie Mason
"I love golf. It's a great game for people who don't have enough to do in their lives." - Steve Martin
"Golf is a game of inches. The difference between a good shot and a bad shot is about six inches." - George Carlin
"Golf is a lot like marriage. The first nine holes are a piece of cake, but the last nine will make you want to divorce your clubs." - Rodney Dangerfield
"If you can't drive the ball, you're not going to score. And if you can't score, you're going to lose. So it's important to be able to drive the ball." - Rodney Dangerfield
"I'm not very good at golf, but I'm good at hitting the ball. The problem is, I don't always hit it where I want it to go." - Rodney Dangerfield

Quotes from Celebrities

"Golf is a great way to spend a day with friends, unless you're playing against them." - Bill Murray
"Golf is the only game you can play alone and still have a good time." - George H. W. Bush
"Golf is a game that teaches you a lot about yourself. It teaches you patience, perseverance, and humility." - Tiger Woods
"Golf is a game that's easy to learn but difficult to master. That's why it's so popular." - Michelle Wie
"Golf is a game that's all about mental toughness. It's about being able to stay focused and positive, even when things aren't going your way." - Phil Mickelson
"Golf is a great way to get exercise, enjoy the outdoors, and make new friends." - Barack Obama